It’s back. That busy time of year once again is upon us. The time of year where our social media news feeds are filled with perfectly posed pictures of smiling faces holding cute chalk boards showing off their crisp clean new backpacks and kicks. Accompanying these cute photos is usually some lengthy and sappy post about how fast they are growing up, how fast summer went by, and they will miss them so much during the day.
We’ve all seen hundreds of these posts from our fellow momma friends or mommas we follow on social media because we’ve convinced ourselves we think they have it all together. WELP, unpopular opinion here, but I for one am very HAPPY and utterly thankful that back to school time is here and honestly it didn’t come soon enough. I almost didn’t survive summer break.
You might be thinking to yourself, well man she is a horrible person! How could you possibly say that about your child?! Or maybe you’re thinking, dang finally someone who isn’t scared to write out loud what I have been thinking. Either way, just hear me out before you start throwing stones.
First of all, let’s get something straight. I absolutely LOVE my child. My son and my daughter are my world. BUT man, oh man was it ever time for this child to go back to school. And not just school, back to a strict schedule, back to responsibilities, back to structure, back to being surrounded with peers to socialize with, back to filling his hours with meaningful and intentional instruction and education and back to regular scheduled physical fitness. These things are what make him thrive, whether he wants to admit that or not. These things are what make him excel. Endless free time for days on end are honestly stifling for him. Despite my best efforts to try and achieve the perfect balance of free time mixed with some sort of structure and responsibility, I just can never seem to succeed. I always find myself starting the summer off strong and determined but by the time July rolls around, I am feeling worn down and ready to wave my white flag in surrender.
He is my oldest and my most stubborn. He is very strong willed and can argue you into the ground and then push you down even further. Now, don’t get me wrong, these attributes will surely serve him well later in life, but they may be the utter death of me during his childhood. It’s incredibly hard to find the balance of wanting to encourage these strengths and also trying to survive them. Furthermore, what makes it equally difficult for me is that I was that way to some extent when I was a kid. I remember one time very vividly. My dad stupidly thought it was wise to take my favorite two stuffies, that not only went with me everywhere I went, but had also been with me since I was born, as a form of punishment one evening at bedtime. Well, let me tell you, that was the last time he pulled that move.
Also, side note, I do NOT condone that as an acceptable form of punishment. Taking your child’s comfort item as a disciplinary method is despicable in my opinion but that’s another topic for another time.
Anyways, at first obviously I cried. BUT then, I became angry and decided that it was fine, you can take my stuffies, but I won’t be sleeping tonight unless they were rightfully returned to me. So, there I laid for several hours determined to show him that he had gravely messed up knowing full well that eventually he would come check on me and my sister. Well, finally he did and needless to say he was shocked to find me still awake. I remember him standing there in my doorway, shock covering his face, asking me why I was still awake. I remember very calmly and simply stating that I would not be going to sleep until at least one stuffie was returned to me. He stood there for a minute probably weighing out the options in his head and whether or not it was worth the battle as I had school the next day. Finally, he silently turns around goes into this bedroom, which was across the hall from mine, reached up into his closet and pull down one of my beloved stuffies and brings it to me and says, “now go to sleep” and walked out and closed the door. I didn’t say a word, but the feeling of pure satisfaction and success washed over me, and I finally fell asleep.
I share that story that has very vividly stayed with me over my lifetime to showcase how my son and I are actually very similar which entail, makes parenting him all that much more challenging. Rightfully so too, right? Isn’t that how it’s supposed to go? Either way, I could not count down the days he would return back to school quick enough. His and I’s relationship is much stronger when he has that time away from me each day. He is very independent. Not necessarily in a responsibility sort of way but more in an emotional and mental way. I am the exact same way, which you would think would be beneficial to our relationship, and that will hopefully be the case one day when he is an adult but right now it is at a lot of times, an exhausting uphill battle.
I follow some of these amazing mommas on social media who homestead and homeschool their children. I romanticize the idea of homeschooling my own children BUT I also am wise enough to know that would not end well for anyone. I am so incredibly thankful for amazing teachers and schools that provide the very core aspects that my son thrives on. He has the upmost respect for his teacher and all school authority as well as his fellow peers. I am so thankful I have managed to instill that in him, and I find myself frequently asking him would he talk to them the way he talks to me or treat them the way he treats me? He always immediately looks horrified at the very thought of that and quickly always says to me “of course not!” In which I am always inclined to roll my eyes in frustration and yet at the same time thank God that I at least succeeded there. I take my wins where I can get them.
So here we are back to school which ultimately means back to sanity. Back to spending my days not arguing until I am blue in the face with my almost nine-year-old who seems to be closer to thirteen than nine. And he is back to thriving in the environment he needs to be in the most.
Now, of course I do honestly look forward to next summer break and of course I will delusionally plan for a better designed summer. Wash, rinse, repeat, you know? And of course, I do look forward to fall break and Christmas break where I always try to be a more fun more and I try to be more intentional with my time with him. It’s hard being a momma. I wish I could be one of the moms I follow who completely heartbroken when back to school time is upon her, but I know I simply am not like that and honestly, that is ok. So whatever side of the fence you find yourself on, just know it doesn’t matter. One side or the other doesn’t make you a better or worse mom. You are entitled to feel however you feel and just know that either way is OK. You are amazing and you are doing your best.
Don’t let yourself fall into the whirlpool of comparison.
YOU are the exact momma that YOUR child needs.
